Talking to Myself

End of an Era

There have been a lot of Eras in my life.

Some of them good.

Most of them, I’m glad they’re over.

Chapters of my life come and go like the winds. Like the seasons.

Like the moon.

Here I am, on the last day of an Era.

This one was full of growth. Self realization.

Sadness.

Madness.

Tears.

Fears.

Great days.

Terrible days.

I’m glad to have had this experience.

This summer, I have worked with people I never thought I could,

Stepped into a new career,

Done something I never really wanted to do,

And it might have saved my life.

I’m glad to have faced this challenge.

I’m ecstatic that I survived it.

Working in mental health while having mental health issues was always an internal struggle.

I did it.

I know I can do more of it in the future.

This job was hard. This job was amazing.

I’m so glad to be going home.

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People To Remember

Lunch With A Friend

Had lunch with someone close today. Afterwards, we found a nice mossy spot by a small lake. It was beautiful and green. A new family of geese searched for food nearby. A red squirrel tittered to it’s friends and seemed to be getting an early start on collecting acorns from a nearby oak. The water was still. A maple across the lake had the slightest hint of orange. The refection of the treeline in the water shimmered peacefully with the gentle breeze blowing across the surface.

As we sat, we spoke of a lot of things. Life mostly. Things in it and around it. Things we have right now. Things that are going to change soon. Big life. Small life.

As we spoke, I came to a realization. About a lot of things, but one thing in particular really sticks out.

So many of us go through life thinking that the purpose is to find someone to come with us on our journey. No one considers the people who taught us what to do or how to feel when we find them.

Love has always been a huge theme in my life. From unrequited, unrealized, unwanted, and needed but never really there. Family, friends, strangers. But never for very long.

I thought to myself, and my friend, maybe I’m not one of those people who gets someone to come on these crazy adventures I get myself into. Maybe that’s ok.

I’ve had the opportunity for so much love. So much true love.

I believe every love is true love, even if it’s not forever, it’s necessary to help one learn.

Maybe all these crazy adventures lead me around to find these loves. To love them. To teach them. To have these crazy moments and then continue on my way.

It sounds tragic, and maybe it is a little, but someone has to be the person who’s ok with teaching love. So many of us seem to have forgotten what it means to be loved; forgotten what it’s like to love. I mean, really love someone. With everything you have in you in that moment. Even if it’s just for a moment.

In all my sporadic movement; my impulsive life; my sudden leaps, I can’t expect anyone to be willing to follow me into the next, usually dark, moment. No. It’s better if we have the beautiful, wonderful minute, leave it at that, and they can go and find their true love. Live their real dreams, without a windswept romantic stirring their control up every chance I get.

So, I hope to find more love in my life. I’m sure that I will. I find new, amazing, glorious people every day.

I hope they learn to love. Me and then the world.

After all,

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return.”