Talking to Myself

End of an Era

There have been a lot of Eras in my life.

Some of them good.

Most of them, I’m glad they’re over.

Chapters of my life come and go like the winds. Like the seasons.

Like the moon.

Here I am, on the last day of an Era.

This one was full of growth. Self realization.

Sadness.

Madness.

Tears.

Fears.

Great days.

Terrible days.

I’m glad to have had this experience.

This summer, I have worked with people I never thought I could,

Stepped into a new career,

Done something I never really wanted to do,

And it might have saved my life.

I’m glad to have faced this challenge.

I’m ecstatic that I survived it.

Working in mental health while having mental health issues was always an internal struggle.

I did it.

I know I can do more of it in the future.

This job was hard. This job was amazing.

I’m so glad to be going home.

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Uncategorized

A Chosen End

6 Friends. 

6 friends and Robin Williams. 

You’d think it might get easier, but it doesn’t. You just understand it more. 

So, I’ll write your name on my heart and put another tic on the chart of life. 

6. It seems like a lot. 

I’d ask why, but I get it. 

Because every day is hard. Sometimes your so deep in your hole, you can’t see the sky, and the walls crumble beneath your fingers and feet everytime you think you’ve found a good grip to hold on, and you and your whole world come crashing back down to the bottom. 

Sometimes the world is a dark place. Full of war and terror and dying children, alone and hungry with no memory of real life or real love. 

Sometimes it seems like everything is going wrong and you can’t get ahead. 24 years playing the game of life, how did I end up here? Or there? Or alone? Or surrounded by all these shitty people?

Why don’t I love the things I used to love? What am I supposed to do with my life? Where am I going? What’s the next step? What is the fucking point? 

Everytime I carve another notch in the bedpost of friends lost, I get to close to not being able to see the light. 

Remembering that living the adventure, feeling the pain, see the shit, loving the unloved. Remember, that is the point. 

The point of this plane is to love and feel pain. Don’t worry. It’ll be over soon. Don’t leave the us behind so quickly.